there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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