Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
