I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
