so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
