My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
