No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
