so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You left your phone here
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