Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
