I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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