he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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