guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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