I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
