my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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