eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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