Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
