I can tuck mytits in my pants
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
