your room smells of hookers.
And success
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
