She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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