dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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