you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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