We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
