I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I look better un-naked...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
