Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
