I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize