OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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