I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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