I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
