I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
