So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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