My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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