So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
