god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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