She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
