I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
