I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
