I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize