My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
should my penis look like a turkey
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
