TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
