She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My ass is underappreciated
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
