I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
