So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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