i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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