I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
