I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
