Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize