I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
