mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
