and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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