we have officially lost it.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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