I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
