It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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