My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
