I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
