I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
