Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
