:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize