I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
