Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
