Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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