I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
