I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
