He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
