Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
