i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
